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A doctor was holding a new baby that he had just delivered. The baby looked up at him and said, "Are you my father?" The doctor said, "No, I am the doctor that delivered you." Then the doctor handed the baby to the nurse. While the nurse was cleaning the baby the baby looked at the nurse and said, "Are you my father?" The nurse said, "No, I am just the nurse." Then the nurse gave the baby to the new father. The baby looked at him and said, "Are you my father?" The new father said proudly, "Yes! I am your father." Then the baby started poking his father in the forehead over and over again and said, "So how do YOU like it?!" |
| Did you hear about the blonde that got fired from the M&M factory? She threw away all the w's |
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Confucious say... All who fly upside-down have crack up. He who stand on toilet high on pot. He who shits brick has square hole. Fly who sit on toilet seat get pissed off. |
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A New York family bought a ranch out West where they intended to raise cattle. Friends visited and asked if the ranch had a name. "Well," said the would-be cattleman, "I wanted to name it the Bar-J. My wife favored Suzy-Q, one son like the Flying-W, and the other wanted the Lazy-Y. So we're calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y." "But where are all your cattle?" the friends asked. "None survived the branding." |
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A guy is walking past a high, solid wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!" He continues walking along the long fence, but, being a curious person, he can't help but wonder why they are chanting "Thirteen!" over and over. Could it be that they are chugging beer? Are they perhaps taking turns beating one of the inmates? Maybe they are counting the number of patients that have leapt off of the roof thus far. His curiosity peaks and he frantically searches for a hole in the fence so that he may see what is going on. Finally, he spots one a few feet ahead. The hole is low in the fence and he has to kneel down to peer inside. He moves into position and peeks into the hole. As he looks in, someone inside pokes him in the eye! Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!" |
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