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Last year, a guy went to a doctor because he was losing weight.
He found out he had a tapeworm, and was instructed by the doctor to bring a muffin, a Twinkie and a cookie with him on his next visit.
When he was being examined the doctor shoved the muffin, the Twinkie, and finally the cookie up the guy's ass. The patient protested, but the doctor calmed him down, saying it was part of the therapy.
This treatment continued for several weeks and every time the doctor shoved a muffin, a Twinkie and a cookie up his ass.
Finally, after many visits, the Doctor instructed the patient to bring a muffin, a Twinkie and a mallet for the next visit.
The day arrived and this time the doctor shoved only the muffin and the Twinkie up the patient's ass.
After a few minutes the tapeworm appeared out of his asshole and demanded, "Where's my cookie!?" WHAM!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Advertise:
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Notification to all members regarding language use during seminar.
It has been brought to the attention of senior members that some individuals have been using bad language during discussions at the seminar. Due to complaints from some of our easily offended members, this type of language will no longer be accepted or tolerated.
However, we realise the importance of members being able to properly express their feelings when communicating with each other. With this in mind, our human resources committee has compiled a list of phrase replacements so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without offending our more sensitive members.
CURRENT PHRASE---REPLACEMENT PHRASE
NO FUCKING WAY ---I'm fairly sure that's not feasible
YOU'RE FUCKING KIDDING ---Really?
TELL SOMEONE WHO GIVES A FUCK---Have you run that by.......
NO BASTARD TOLD ME ---I wasn't involved in that.
I DON'T HAVE THE FUCKING TIME ---Perhaps I can stay and work on that.
WHO FUCKING CARES ---Are you sure that's a problem?
EAT SHIT & DIE ---You don't say.
EAT SHIT AND DIE MOTHERFUCKER---You don't say, sir.
KISS MY ASS---So, you'd like me to help you.
HE'S A FUCKING PRICK---He's somewhat insensitive.
SHE'S A BALL BREAKING BITCH ---She's an agressive go getter.
YOU HAVE NOT GOT A FUCKING CLUE---You could use some more training.
THIS PLACE IS FUCKED---We're a little disorganised today.
WHAT SORT OF FUCKWIT ARE YOU?---You're new here, aren't you?
FUCK OFF SHITHEAD---Well, there you go.
YOU'RE A FUCKING WANKER ---You're a senior member: I respect you.
HA! SUCK EGGS---I wasn't there that night.
YOU'RE FUCKING PARANOID---So, you're from Brisbane.
YOU'RE FUCKING USELESS---So, you're from Melbourne.
FUCK OFF---I'll look into it and get back to you.
FUCK OFF, DICKHEAD---We've got enough members thanks.
HOW DID YOU GET THIS PIECE OF SHIT TO WORK? ---Well done!
YOU FUCKING LOSER---Gee, that was unfortunate.
LIKE FUCKING HELL---I don't believe I have the required training to accomplish that.
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