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Military training:
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.
"You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?"
"Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice and I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches but when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say,
"Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' ---that did it!"
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"I suppose," snarled the leathery sergeant to the private, "that when you're discharged from the Army, you'll wait for me to die, just so you can spit on my grave."
"Not me," observed the private. "When I get out of the Army, I never want to stand in line again."
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